Chapter 2 – Dating, where do I start?
Before I jump into the mystical world of dating, let me set the scene and provide you with a brief background story of myself, which may give some credibility to the following dating tips.
I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in April 2019 and had a robotic prostatectomy in the following month. Within 7 weeks of the operation, I set off on a 12 months journey of Europe. This was a trip planned well in advance of my prostate diagnosis, and I was not going to let a floppy, dribbly penis and a few fresh abdomen scars ruin my holiday plans.
But by embarking on this Gap Year, I was removing all the safety nets provided by my family and friends, and saying farewell to all of my female connections within Australia. So now in Europe, I am using the following tips every day in my travels just to meet people, and yes, to be successful in the dating game.
Prior to my diagnosis, I had been single for 5 years following a 30 year marriage.
During these 5 years of singledom I had been very active in dating women. Active in a manner that was open, honest and respectful to all the women in my life and who are still there today.
From the time that I became single in 2014, I have learnt a lot about dating, sex and sensuality. All driven by one of my early lovers referring to my bedroom performance as Beige !!
My ego being slightly bruised by that piece of feedback, I realised that my techniques and my approach to sex with my partners, reflected my 30 years of marriage. #Boring, #Married
I had to change, and I did.
I read relationship and sex related articles, I listened to TED talks, yes I watched porn, I attended workshops, I talked to women, and more importantly, I listened and I learnt.
What I have learnt, not only made my 5 years exciting, it also made my post operation outlook for dating and sexual functionality very promising.
Yes, my erectile dysfunction issues, my loss of ejaculation, and my current urine dribble are new hurdles for me now, but I was not going to let these issues lead me towards a life of despair. Life is too short.
I am constantly reminded of my current sexual deficiencies and yes it can be depressing, and I feel that I have lost a big part of my life. Yes, I have fleeting doubts on my decision for the surgery and yes, I have periods where I have no energy to move forward. I had lost a significant part of my masculinity. My sex life as I knew it, ceased overnight.
So now 5 months after my operation, I still have no movement downstairs, (Pedro is his name) and I have no idea if Pedro will ever get off his lazy arse and regain full or partial functionality down there. But what choices do I have?
I live by the saying, if you don’t use it, you lose it and 5 months into this journey my dating and sex life is improving.
So, how did I do it?
Basically, I stayed the same person as I was before the operation. Women in the past, liked me for me, not what love tackle I had downstairs (if Pedro could talk, he would disagree on that issue 😊).
Now post my operation, my approach to meeting women has not changed. What has changed, is my outlook to life, my expectations of sexual adventures and how you raise that delicate issue of Erectile Dysfunction with a new female friend.
When I discussed these post-op issues with my lovers and female friends, I was constantly reminded by them that a penis does not make the man.
Dating does not have to be scary
“Get over it”, they said.
Which of course is another whack to the already fragile ego, but they were right.
Technically, an erect penis definitely does help in the act of sexual gymnastics, but if you haven't got one, what are you going to do about it? Sit on the couch watching porn, getting depressed, fat and lazy?
So, here are some facts.
If you have had prostate cancer and you have undergone surgery or radiation treatment, you are most probably over 50. At that age, it doesn’t matter what the Hollywood movies or porn sites tell you, you will not be dating 20 or 30 year old women. Sorry if that is a blow to your expectations, but even if you did find some young woman who finds you attractive in some strange Daddy Love thing, try telling her that you have erectile dysfunction. At that her age, she probably thinks it is the same as dyslexia and you have a reading disorder!!!
So, change your unrealistic expectations and your dating app age range!!!
The women that you will be dating will potentially be 50 and older and I can tell you that contrary to what you see on porn sites or in the popular media, 50 plus year old women would prefer a great conversation, a good listener, a beautiful kisser and a sensual lover.
Don't get me wrong. My female friends, regardless of age, have all admitted that they would still love a good hard penis and a man who knows how to use it. So, if you don’t have that, just like I don’t, you have to accept that physically deficiency and offer them things that a well-hung stud cannot.
Therefore, based on the absence of literature on the subject of dating without a prostate, the following are my dating tips based on my years of dating with a fully functional body and my short experience of dating with Pedro.
Note, that there are no guarantees that my tips will help you meet or have sex with a woman. But give it a go. What do you have to lose?
Also, there is no secret recipe or approach that is applicable to every woman. Remember all women are different and do not even try to understand why. Just accept it and enjoy every beautiful moment that they have to offer.
With your current physical issues, you have to be craftsman, the maestro, the dancer, the chef, a man who can generate something special out of the basic components that you have, and as a result of your skills, make the romantic engagement enjoyable and sustainable.
Read on, and good luck.