Chapter 7 – Progressing From The First Encounter
This is the seventh in a series of dating articles that I have written following my prostate removal surgery. The aim of the articles is to give you an insight on what steps that I took regain my mojo following the surgery. I hope that they help you.
If you have been following my articles, the last article was about my first intimate skin on skin encounter since my prostate removal operation. Who would have thought that in the short time since my operation, that I would be actively dating! I hope that these articles assist you in your adventures and they are just as successful as mine.
Whether it be 6 months, 1 year or nearly 2 years since the operation, I now have the confidence to get out there and meet women. I reflect upon my journey, what I have achieved physically and mentally. The body has amazing powers of recovery, but it is the mind that I must control during this journey of recovery. Dark thoughts can be destructive if I let them simmer, or I could not dwell on the past and seek to find the positives in my new life.
Power of Positive Thinking
If you have not considered the power of positive thinking, give it a go. I researched, I read self help articles, I participated in positivity workshops and yoga, and I surrounded myself with friends who oozed a positive outlook to life. I even had to look and asses my friends and colleagues, and those who I considered as “a glass half empty”, I started to put some distance between them and me. I already had enough of my own problems, that I did not want to be brought down by them and their negativity. These people were not happy, and I did not want to end up like them.
I reassessed my own values on life. I had beaten cancer, my internal injuries had healed, and I have stopped wetting myself. I wanted to be the “Glass Half Full Guy”, and I think I have achieved it. I have people saying to me, “I can’t believe how well you look” or “You are amazing, other people with such a life threatening and lifestyle changing condition would not be as brave as you”.
In my travels on this prostate cancer journey, I have heard of single men becoming depressed, being angry, turning to alcohol and basically not venturing far from their couch. I have also felt similar negative thoughts, and every time that I wake up on the couch feeling sad or angry, I question myself, “Is this how you are going to live the rest of your life?”.
I will not paint the dating picture as being full of rainbows, sunshine and happy endings. It is not. But what it is, is an opportunity to meet new people. People that may have a different outlook on life to yourself or your current friends, people who may find you attractive, humorous, interesting and maybe enchanting.
In the dating world, be prepared for rejection, as it does happen. It hurts, and when it has happened to me, my positive attitude has taken a beating. Remember the cartoon image I described in the last chapter of Pedro being weighed by baggage, shuffling through life? That is how I felt after being rejected on a date. But I do not let rejection dictate my life, I reassess and modify my expectations. Otherwise it will be my own dark thoughts causing me the greatest harm in my new journey.
Progressing Past The First Encounter
So if like me, you have met a beautiful woman that understands your condition and is prepared to see you again, and again, and again…… Well Done.
So how did I progress from wearing pads during the most intimate parts of this new relationship to enjoying a “new version” of sex?
In the early stages of any intimate relationship that I have had, the excitement for me is the discovery of each other. This excitement is the combination of both verbal and physical communication. If she is wanting to see more of me, then it is because she likes me, as a person, regardless of my body’s dysfunctions.
So along this pathway of discovery and communication, I raised the subject of my penile rehabilitation. I shared with her my success stories as well as my failures. I shared with her the delight that I felt when she first kissed me and I told her that her kisses brought tingles to my groin and Pedro did rise, albeit slightly.
Women are sensitive, giving human beings and they do care about your physical and mental health. By sharing with her how much the recent intimacy with her meant to me, she admitted that she wanted to assist in my rehabilitation.
If you are in a similar situation and have had a similar conversation with your new friend of what your needs and desires are, and she does want to help you, do not hold back. Yes, it can be a little bit confronting for both of you. Share with her your rehabilitation steps, what you have read about penile rehabilitation and what you want to progress to. I have had female friends undertake their own research on post-op rehab and eagerly want to assist in giving me an orgasm even though Pedro is not even close being up to the task.
I have demonstrated the use of my penis pump and I have shown her soft penis orgasms.
The elation and excitement that I had when someone else wanted to assist in my rehab, is both mind blowing and a huge step forward in my mental and physical post-op rehab.
If you have achieved this type of intimate and caring relationship with your new friend, feel good about yourself. Yes, you and I are a long way from where we were before the operation, but you now have a friend, a lover, a caring partner who is prepared to share part of the journey with you. And that, is more important than whether you have a fully functioning penis. Enjoy this feeling, as mental health is more important than your physical rehabilitation.
Giving Pedro Some Assistance
Yes like me, you want more out of Pedro. Yes, you would love to embrace her and physically take her in a wild fit of passion. At the moment that is not possible for me, so how do I keep the sexual, sensual excitement in this not so traditional intimate affair? The answer, is to use my imagination, and sex toys.
If you have not investigated the use of sex toys in your rehab, get on to it! For me, the use of a bullet vibrator during my rehab orgasm practice and combined with Viagra, can bring about tingles that I had not experienced before. Try it, and you will notice with this type of stimulation you can actually get a “half hard on”. Wooohooo , half is better than nothing and it is a start. You will also notice that different parts of your shaft, or scrotum, or perineum or anus, will all generate different tingles. Try it all. Be experimental.
If it works in the privacy of your own shower or bed, share your experiences with your new friend. Again, the ecstasy that you feel when someone else takes control of Pedro’s playground is electrifying. Be experimental with each other.
In the absence of a hard, penetrating penis to fulfill your desire to bring sensual and sexual enjoyment to your lover and yourself, you are going to have to do your homework. Talk to her, find out what she likes and doesn’t like. Find out what she would like to try but too shy to communicate it with a previous lover. One thing I have noticed with an open and honest conversation on my erectile dysfunction and rehab, is that she senses a level of trust and vulnerability. It is this feeling of trust that will make her feel comfortable enough to communicate with you what she likes.
Learning New Skills
To ensure that I continue to make my new friend happy, I had to do learn new tricks. One of those new skills was to learn how to give sensual massages to her entire body, not just the obvious parts of her anatomy. Educate yourself on sensual and sexual techniques and try them out with her. You will be surprised when she tells you that previous lovers that she has had, have never been this sensual.
Where did start? Workshops. Yes, signing up for group workshops on intimacy. Sure a group session with strangers maybe confronting, but they are strangers, they don't know you. If group sessions are scary, try online courses as they can be less intimidating. For courses and advice on these issues, I do highly recommend "A Touch Subject" for self help videos and courses.
A True Story
Here is real life story of one of my post-operation intimacies.
I met a woman and we had an instant connection of mutual energies. In her previous sexual adventures with men, the sexual acts were all-consuming, rapid, energetic, penetrating and explosive. Explosive, but only for her male lovers. She had not experienced many beautiful orgasms with a lover because there was no sensuality, no slowing down of the passion, no time-out to engage in exploratory caresses, resulting obviously in him coming fairly quickly, and leaving her wanting.
For her, this style of passion was what she understood sex to be, until she met Pedro. Our intimate energy was still there, the passion was overwhelming and consuming, but instead her wanting for unleashed passion and penetration, Pedro says “slow down, that is not going to happen so quickly”.
And she did.
She allowed herself to engage in something slower, more sensual and significantly more rewarding than her previous experiences of “wham, bam, thank you ma’am”. She loved the slow approach that I took and she loved me for showing her new experiences. 😊
We are still lovers and we are engaging in a variety of ways to enhance our sensual and sexual experiences. Some of which I will discuss in the next chapter.
Remember that every man's rehab journey is different and physical, mental or dating improvements will happen with time. Do not pressure yourself to be the man you used to be. Take it slowly to find the your New Normal and roll with the punches and High Five the achievements.
Good luck.
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